Finally.

I don’t know why I keep thinking of you, and why it bothers me so much that I can’t seem to get a hold of you. Perhaps it is the dreams I keep having where it seems we are very good friends, and I am getting that mixed up with reality- where really we are just two employees of the same area, who have met randomly and occasionally have a nice and uplifting conversations in between our jobs. I keep looking for you, but you seem to never be at work anymore….
You asked me awhile ago if I am always this happy. I was taken aback, but I quickly (and jokingly) replied, no, but I try to pretend my best. ..
That question, and your sincere expression for a real answer, has been following me, and that’s why I’ve been…seemingly following you, to apologize.
You see, truth is, I’m not all that chipper at all. I’ve recently been diagnosed with Depression, and as glad as I am to finally KNOW, I am in constant battle with myself on the inside. But I’ve faked for years, so I continue to do so even now.
Now though I want to be honest. And I want to be honest with you, though we may not really know each other well enough, and you may not give a care at all, but I feel like you deserved an honest answer. That doesn’t mean I’m constantly wallowing in hopelessness and always being fake. No, most of my smiles are real now- and I know the only thing that has kept me alive (literally) is Hope and Truth. Truth of who God really is, and Hope that I will surely find it if I continue.
By the way, its kinda awkward talking to you now that I’ve had those dreams. I hope it doesn’t show. Have a good day- what’s your name again? I’ve forgotten, and you always call me by name. (that always makes me smile) Talk to you later, I really hope to see you sometime.
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(In case any of you are wondering, yes this is to a real person. )
I really appreciated and loved all the feedback I got on the post about language, you guys had a lot of very good and valid points to mull over. I’ve decided that in needed situations, using such strong language can be permissible to aid in conveying emotions, whereas there are other areas I just shouldn’t utter anything even close. It’s the ones in-between that I’m still “eh” on.
More thoughts coming....I always love to hear yours.